Michelle Duggar's Advice for New Moms

Question from a fan on Facebook: What advice will you give your daughters as they become mothers for the first time?

Grandbaby #4 is due in March 2015

Well, I think it'll probably be the same advice I give to any other new mom, except for the fact that I will be saying, "Now, if you need a babysitter, you know grandma is just down the road, and I'd be so happy to help you whenever you need a date night with your sweetie!"

I always tell new mamas to cherish the moments that they have with the little one because the babies sleep a lot those first two to three months. They pretty much eat and sleep, and they're just not awake for a whole lot of time. Take lots of pictures and make a lot of sweet memories of that special time.

Also, take naps! Try to get a nap in when the baby takes a nap, especially while you’re breastfeeding the baby. The night feedings come about every three hours, depending on the size of the baby, how they digest their milk, etc. Some may sleep four-hour stretches; some may go for six or eight hours, depending on their metabolism. But, typically, those newborns in the first year, their feedings stretch only to about four hours between each one. I needed a little bit of extra sleep here and there. When I put my baby down for naptime, usually in the middle of the day, the tiredness would hit me. So I would lie down with the baby and take a nap. And that's important.

You can see everything that needs to be done around the house. You need to catch up on laundry; you need to do some cleaning; you want to do some ironing -- whatever. But just take that break and sleep, even if it's just an hour while the baby is sleeping. Afterwards you’ll feel so much better and be ready to tackle the world.
Also, make sure that you have date night with your hubby. Even though you've got a little one, you can take the baby along with you and spend some time with your sweetheart. Try to make it a part of your weekly schedule – whenever you can find time -- because your schedules are going to be demanding with a new baby and work.



It’s important to keep that focus on building and strengthening your marriage relationship because that gives your children stability in their lives. When they see mom and dad are making it a priority to love each other and focus on their relationship, it reminds them that their parents love each other and that their relationship is a top priority in the family.

Michelle Duggar's Newlywed Update on Jill & Derick

Question from a 19 Kids and Counting fan on Facebook: How is Jill adjusting to married life?

I think it’s been a very smooth transition for Jill and Derick. Jill had so much help from her siblings to make the transition, helping her pack up her stuff at our house, moving and unpacking at her new home. They have their schedule already -- they get up and off to work or Jill works on her studies. Sometimes she’ll pop by our place since it’s awfully quiet at her house. She’s so used to studying with noise. It’s really unusual for her to work in total silence.

But, yes, she’s got her house set up and she’s already had company over. It’s so sweet to see them starting their lives and their family together. We always make sure to include them in our family events in case they want to be a part of things. They’ll come over and celebrate birthdays and other events with us when they can.

It was truly the joy of her life to marry Derick and they both feel so blessed to have each other. They are just really, really happy to be married and enjoying married life.

It’s so special to watch these budding relationships blossoming. I know God’s going to use that love to help them stretch in ways that they might not otherwise try, because that’s the good thing about marriage. It really does stretch us and helps us to become the person that God would want us to be. You’re much more willing to get out of your comfort zone when it’s with somebody that you deeply love.

It’s just so sweet to watch these guys and girls that are really in love. Love is in the air and it’s good for all of us to be around that, even if the little siblings have to go, "Oh no, they’re kissing again, oh my!"

Michelle Duggar Remembers Her Wedding Day

My wedding to Jim Bob almost 30 years ago was sweet and simple. We got married in our church where our pastor officiated our ceremony. At the time, our church was still being built so we were meeting in a big gymnasium for services. We actually got married in the hallway of the building -- we had set up folding chairs to use as pews! And we did the exact same thing when we renewed our vows 25 years later.

I wanted to do as much as I could myself as a way to save money and keep the expenses reasonable. We didn’t buy flowers and barely even decorated the hall. Our backdrop was a lattice that we had woven through with crepe paper. Our colors were all pastels; yellow, pink, green and blue. I even made my own bouquet using fake flowers so I could keep them to decorate my home with later. When my sister arrived from out of town and noticed that I didn’t have any flowers, she offered to create a flower display to put up behind the altar area. She used silk flowers and made a beautiful arrangement.

For the wedding cake, I made it myself and froze it. A friend decorated it for me using icing that she made with ingredients I bought for her. Another special touch was wearing Jim Bob’s mother’s wedding dress as my dress. Everything we did for our wedding was so inexpensive, but perfect for us. We wanted to spend our money on our honeymoon, which was our first time to be alone together.

The reception was very simple with cake, nuts and punch. It was such a sweet time! We invited our closest friends and family (about 200 people). When we had our 25th anniversary renewal of our vows, we repeated the same reception style with the same songs and even the same pastor.

Although we didn’t videotape our wedding, we took a lot of pictures and we had it recorded on cassette tape. As our children were growing up, we would listen to our wedding cassette again every year on our anniversary. We would reenact the ceremony, show them how we walked down the aisle and tell them the stories about what it was like. It was a great moment to share with them in such a special way.

Michelle Duggar on Courtship Chaperones

Question from a "19 Kids and Counting" fan: How do you pick chaperones for each couple? Does it change depending on who is free that day or is there a designated chaperone for each couple?

Well, it has been very flexible so far. We’ve set an age limit of 10 years old and above. So we have a lot of potential chaperones with 15 kids over that age! With Derick and Jill, they wrote out their courting rules at the beginning of their official courtship. These were their commitments to each other. After they agreed on them, they shared with their chaperones and family members so that they would know what they want to be held accountable for. Ben and Jessa have done the same thing.

The chaperones then have clear guidelines for what is acceptable and what’s not. They’re the accountability. What that means is they’re allowed to say, “Hey, are you supposed to be doing that?” But the funniest things have come up. For example can they high five during a game? And so as they go along, the couples have made some tweaks and changed things up a little bit.

Sometimes with all of our busy schedules, we’ve had to call on other folks to be chaperones. When Jill and Derick were courting, everyone went on a trip and Jill had to stay back for her midwifery work. But she still wanted to see Derick when he got off work. So she called Ginny, a family friend, who was able to meet her and Derick at a restaurant and then they could all eat together. Ginny was at Jill’s bridal shower recently and she said, “I had the most fun. I got to be Jill and Derick’s chaperone and they treated me to lunch. What a deal!”

Grandma Duggar has also taken a few turns chaperoning, which is extra special for the girls. After a recent visit with Grandma as a chaperone Jill told me, “Grandma gave me some amazing advice. Derick and I were just so encouraged by her wisdom.” So you see, chaperones can take lots of forms and are quite helpful in many ways!

Michelle Duggar's Marriage Advice for Newlyweds

Question from a "19 Kids and Counting" fan: What advice will you give Jill as a newlywed wife to keep in mind throughout her marriage?

1. Be available
First, I’m going to pass on the advice that was given to me by a dear friend Gala. Whenever I speak with groups of other moms and married women, I always share this advice. It’s been the best advice that was ever given to me in regard to my relationship to my husband Jim Bob.

Gala had only been married for three years, but she had very wise advice. I was about six months out from getting married, and was just all bleary eyed and in love. I couldn’t wait to be married and be called “Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar.” That was the dream of my life.

She told me: “Michelle, I know you’re so excited. You’re a bride-to-be, but some day you’ll be at this point. I’ve been married three years and I’m still happily married. I have one child, we’re expecting our second and I’m big pregnant. You’ve got to remember this. Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one. So don’t forget that, that he needs you. So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need.”

“And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. ‘I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it’s a need for you.’ ”

I’ve realized the sweetness of that through the years. While I am always joyfully available for him, in turn, he’ll lay down his life in any way. He will sit there and listen to everything I need to tell him because he knows that I’m there for him, too. I’m meeting his needs, he’s meeting my needs. We’re willing to be there for each other. And each one of us has different needs in a marriage relationship and that’s what’s so precious. I’ll share this advice with Jill so she knows that she’s got to be a wife first and then later, Lord willing, she’ll be a mother. Her responsibility before God and Derick needs to come first. It’s not just me and the Lord; it’s me and the Lord and my husband.

2. Talk about disagreements privately
Another piece of advice, I’ll tell Jill – don’t ever talk about things in front of your children that are supposed to be between you and your husband only. Step aside and say we’re going to talk about this privately. And don’t ever put your husband down in front of your children or other people, especially your families. Talk privately. We always say in our family, we praise publicly, but we correct privately. And that’s marriage advice that I would give to anyone.

3. Get marriage advice when you need it
There are going to be those times in your marriage where you might not always agree; you might not see things eye to eye and sometimes you may need a trusted third party to be a counsel for you in your marriage. Feel free to go to that trusted wise counsel that you both respect and get counsel when you need it. We have all been there. Yes, we have a oneness with spirit in Christ, but there are times that we need others to give us life counsel. So be willing to go seek it together.

It’s important to note that you can get marriage counseling in a lot of different ways. Your friends are very quick to offer advice, but it might not always be the wise advice you need to hear. Another option is to listen to to messages from scriptural teachers together. Through the years as we have gone to marriage retreats, Jim Bob and I have tried to take time out as a couple to listen to messages from other couples that have either learned from their mistakes or from others with the Christian perspective that we share. Even if you can’t afford to get away for the weekend, that’s fine. In our early days, we’d often plan a romantic dinner and listen to readings together and have grandma babysit. It would strengthen our relationship.

Jim Bob and I say we have the best love life ever because we’re so experienced now, but we are also still learning about each other and it’s just great. I’ve gone back and reread some books that were helpful to me and I’m writing out notes to share with Jill. I’ll be giving her a little bridal package that has lots of things that she’ll need for the honeymoon. Jill is very understanding of a lot of things because she’s a midwife and she’s helped a lot of mothers. But there are still a lot of things that I want to share with her before her wedding night. For me, it’s a whole different perspective because I’m sharing this information with my daughter.

And even fellows need a lot of help! These guys need to know they can’t go into this thinking they’re all macho. They need to get their knowledge from the right perspective to go into things with the right ideas.

For Michelle’s recommending reading for newlyweds, visit the Duggar Family website.

Have a burning question for Michelle Duggar? Send it to her and it could appear in an upcoming post!

Michelle Duggar on Homeschooling Milestones

Question from a "19 Kids and Counting" fan on Facebook: In lines of proms and graduations, do you have special events that you celebrate in the homeschooling calendar?

We sure do. Each year we give standardized tests in May to all the kids that are in third grade through ninth grade. For us, it’s really fun because we go over to the testing facility, the kids take their tests and then we’ll celebrate with ice cream after they finish. That’s a big milestone every year.

Later when they’re finished with their high school education, I’ll have them take the GED test. It’s not required in our state, but I like them to do it because it’s good for them to have that certificate. That’s their equivalent of finishing their high school education. Some of them will finish it at 16 years old, but everyone is different. We’ll always celebrate that achievement with our own special graduation ceremony.

We typically try to make it a family thing and invite friends and family. In our area, there are some homeschool organizations that will graduate a bunch of kids together in one big graduation ceremony. They’ll have a ceremony with caps and gowns and diplomas, but we’ve never really participated in those events. Sometimes we’ll have 150 people at one of our family graduations. There’s a large enough gathering to constitute as our own big event!
We’ll decorate and set up a table with projects from their school years – things like their first grade papers when they were learning to write and all of the letters and words were written backwards. And then we’ll wrap it all up with a "This is Your Life" video presentation with images of them doing home school projects, or going on field trips, or sitting with me doing their phonics lesson, or maybe even working with Jim Bob on Mechanics 101.



It’s a wonderful thing to celebrate their lives so far and their education. They’ve accomplished a big milestone and they’re finished with taking standardized tests every year. But I let them know they’re not off the hook because I want my kids to never stop learning. There are opportunities to learn everywhere.

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